March 04th, 2017

If you’re looking for a place to live, “in your feelings” IS NOT it. There are much better places and beautiful surroundings to choose from.

As a female, I see this error committed all the time. People end lifelong friendships and destroy amazing opportunities because they allow “their feelings” to guide them. Simple disagreements and breakdowns in communication can fracture what was meant for your good. (Being the victim of this more times than I care to count, I have learned how to discern this quickly and deal with it appropriately.

One thing we must frequently remind ourselves is there is a difference between what we “feel” versus what is “true”. We often encourage people to follow their heart, but the Word of God says:

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9, KJV)

He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered. 
(Proverbs 28:26, KJV)

Oops! Your feelings/emotions are comprised of a myriad of things, all starting with YOU. Your past experiences, upbringing, betrayals, defeat . . . all of which you use as a guide for each occurrence in the future. These factors can often skew or cripple us in how we perceive our version of the truth. Just because you believe or feel one way, does not make it so, regardless of how passionate you are.

Certainly you’ve heard stories of people who believed certain celebrities were going to marry them. I’m not talking about a crush or desire, I mean they truly believe that they have a relationship with a celebrity that will be their future spouse (whom they have never met before)! How many of us know people who are paranoid and believe someone is out to harm them, although all the evidence says otherwise. Although these are extreme examples, they prove the point that your feelings are not always the best guide.

                                5 Tips to Stop Living in “Your Feelings”:

  1. Think Outside the Box-Especially YOURS.  Are there other possibilities? I am not asking you to make excuses for a person, but are there other things that need to be considered? Is the person’s intent really “evil”, “malicious” and meant to “inflict harm” or was it simply a misstep or misunderstanding.
  2. Let the Record Show.  Before you answer Tip #1 with “yes, they know what they did and they meant to do it”, analyze your past relationship together. If you complete an honest, unbiased (as much as possible) assessment, this should substantiate or overrule your feelings. Don’t be so quick to say “they always do this”. First, ask yourself, is it that “they always do this” or do YOU “always REACT this way”? Also, do I always have a history of being involved in these types of situations or reacting similarly?
  3. Is it Worth the Fight?  Does the situation call for a discussion or remarks? Sometimes we are so quick to give someone a “piece of our mind”, without thinking about the harm and seeds of discourse we sow in the process. Once you act or react, you plant a seed that produces fruit. You can’t be mad if you have nothing but bitterness, anger and loss to harvest when that is what you planted AND cultivated or nurtured.
  4. Personal Responsibility.  Let’s be realistic: when you are under a pressure cooker, you respond differently than when you’re in a place of peace and tranquility. If your life is messy or you have a high level of stress, insecurity or dissatisfaction, you look for blame where often there is none. You would do better by applying Tip #5.
  5. Go and Grow with Grace. And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32, KJV). We all could extend more grace or “unmerited favor”; it’s not just for us.


Life is too short. There are so many things we need to accomplish before we leave this earth. Don’t be a victim to your feelings and let them deceive, rob or cheat you out of living a purpose and joy filled life.

–Alesha Brown, The Joy Guru
Empowerment Coach, Motivational Speaker and Best Selling Author
CEO, Alesha Brown LLC

"It's never too late to edit your life and I can help!"

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