Old Triggers, New Season

One of the most discouraging feelings in healing is when something old shows up again. 

• A tone in someone’s voice. 
• A kind of silence.
• A familiar disappointment. 
• A situation that touches the same nerve you thought you had already outgrown.

In moments like that, it is easy to panic and assume, I’m back where I started. But psychology suggests something more nuanced: the return of an old reaction does not necessarily mean the old learning has taken over again. In conditioning research, fear responses can reappear through renewal, spontaneous recovery, or reinstatement even after extinction learning has happened, which means an old response can resurface without erasing the progress that was made before (Paskewitz et al., 2022; Warren et al., 2014). 

That matters because healing is rarely a straight line. In the lab, extinction does not simply delete the original fear memory; it creates new learning that competes with it. That is why a familiar trigger can visit you in a new season without meaning you have fully returned to the old one. The older pattern may still be stored, but so is the newer learning. Your job is not to be shocked that the old feeling appeared. Your job is to notice which learning you will strengthen now (Warren et al., 2014; Paskewitz et al., 2022). 

This is where awareness becomes so important. Emotion-regulation research suggests that identifying what you are feeling is often a necessary first step before you can regulate it intentionally. Studies on affect labeling—putting feelings into words—show that naming emotional states can reduce subjective distress and support regulation, especially in more intense emotional conditions (Aaron et al., 2018; Tabibnia et al., 2008; Levy-Gigi et al., 2022). So when an old trigger resurfaces, and you can say This feels familiar, This is that old wound getting activated–that is not failure. That is evidence that your awareness has grown. 

In other words, awareness changes the moment. Years ago, the trigger may have taken over your entire nervous system before you even realized what was happening. Now, you may still feel it, but you can see it while it is happening. You may notice the tightening in your body, the spiral in your thoughts, the urge to react, explain, shut down, or chase. That pause between feeling and reaction is not small; it is one of the clearest signs of growth. Gross’s process model of emotion regulation, as summarized in later affect-labeling research, treats identifying an emotional state as a meaningful step before regulation choices can happen (Aaron et al., 2018). 

That is why feeling something familiar does not mean you are back where you started. It may simply mean you are in a new environment that activated an old network of learning. Context matters. Fear-renewal research shows that a response can return when the context changes, even if extinction learning happened successfully somewhere else (Paskewitz et al., 2022; Huff et al., 2009). Life works similarly. A new relationship can wake up an old abandonment trigger. A new leadership role can wake up an old inadequacy story. A new opportunity can wake up an old fear of failure. The resurfacing is real, but it is not the same thing as regression. 

What makes the difference is how you respond this time. Behavior-change and relapse research shows that setbacks and returns of old patterns can become learning opportunities rather than proof that all progress is lost. DiClemente and Crisafulli argue that relapse is common on the road to change and that it can reveal important lessons that support more successful future change. In that framework, the meaningful question is not, Why did this happen at all? But what does this moment teach me about how I function, what I need, and how I want to respond next? (DiClemente & Crisafulli, 2022). 

That perspective also protects you from shame. Shame says, I should be over this by now. Growth says, I see this more clearly than I used to, and clarity gives me choice. Research on self-compassion shows that people cope better when they treat themselves with kindness, mindfulness, and perspective when things go wrong, rather than collapsing into self-criticism (Allen & Leary, 2010). Self-compassion does not mean excusing unhealthy behavior. It means responding to your humanity in a way that helps you recover instead of making you more stuck. 

So if an old trigger has resurfaced, begin there: with awareness, not accusation. Name what is happening. Notice what it pulls you toward. Ask what this moment is asking you to practice now. 

• Maybe this time you pause before texting back. 
• Maybe this time you breathe before assuming the worst. 
• Maybe this time you ask for clarification instead of withdrawing. 
• Maybe this time you leave the room, journal the feeling, call a wise friend, or choose not to give a temporary emotion permanent power. 

Awareness is not the end of healing, but it is one of the clearest proofs that healing is happening (Aaron et al., 2018; Allen & Leary, 2010). 

So ask yourself honestly: What old trigger has resurfaced—and how will you respond differently this time? The trigger may be familiar, but you are not the same. The feeling may have visited, but that does not mean it moved back in. Old triggers can show up in new seasons. Do not confuse the visit with a return. Awareness is evidence of growth, not failure. 

Alesha Brown, CEO, Fruition Publishing Concierge Services®

Editor-in-Chief, Published! Magazine®

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